There's A Legitimate Explanation for Everything
by Annethy
Summary: A series of AxS oneshots. Number 13: Search and Destroy, 'In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen.'
1. Should Have Used the Broom Closet

**Important notice:** The first few shots are humorous little things, and the later are heavier and darker. I suggest if you want some heavy stuff, start with number 5 followed with numbers 9 and up.

* * *

Series Title:** There's a Legitimate Reason for Everything**

One-shot title: **There's a Legitimate Reason for Everything** or** Should Have Used the Broom Closet**

Rating: PG-13 to M (depending on how you look at it…)

Pairing: Alucard/Seras, Integra, Walter

Summary: It was rather awkward. Never mind awkward. It was downright s_trange._ And awkward.

Background information: This is what spawned the entire pile of A/S one-shots that are sitting on my desk, which I wrote in Algebra instead of taking notes. The origins of this idea came from… well, we're not exactly sure. Though we suspect that its Juliencia's fault! shakes fist No, we don't know how, it just is! Interesting, I just switched from using singular personal pronouns to plural personal pronouns and back again. Hmm. That's odd. Oh well, ON WITH THE BUNNIES!

* * *

"Miss Victoria?"

"Hi Walter…"

"Alucard!"

"Ah, Master…"

Integra's eye twitched. Walter coughed politely.

Alucard and Seras were entangled in the middle of the younger vampire's chambers, both in relative states of undress. The fledgling's skirt was hiked up around her hips (revealing lacy underpants) plus her top was unbuttoned and falling off her shoulders, while Alucard had apparently misplaced his own shirt and was in the process of loosing his pants. Seras' fingers were entwined in Alucard's hair and pulling his head down towards her own, and it looked like he was in the middle of removing her bra. They both had their mouths open and Integra could see perfectly sharpened canines in each as they stared at her and Walter over Seras' shoulder.

Integra and Walter stared back.

Alucard spoke first. "There's a legitimate explanation for this… Master…" Seras hurriedly nodded in agreement.

Integra's eye twitched. Walter coughed politely.

And the two humans exited the room, slamming the door shut behind them.

"We never saw that."

"Agreed."

"We will continue like this never happened."

"Agreed."

"And this will never ever, ever, _ever_ be mentioned."

"Agreed."

Behind them in the room, though…

"I told you we should have used the broom closet."

* * *

**A/N: **Thanks for picking this story! These are a series of one-shots, all of them A/S, none of them the same story. Each one-shot should be viewed completely separate from all the others, unless stated other wise. If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains. So spread the love!

Any questions, comments, personal experiences? Then review!


	2. And Thus, the Rumors Were Born

Series Title:** There's a Legitimate Explanation for Everything **

One-shot title: **And Thus, The Rumors Were Born **

Rating: PG-13 (implied adult themes)

Characters: Implied!Alucard/Seras, Pip

Summary: Maybe life would be easier if he weren't such a pervert.

Background information: Yeah… uh… Biology class this time… this could be loosely linked to the first "There's a Legitimate Explanation for Everything"... hahaha... I'm grounded...

- - - - - -

"Zat's where you got bitten, no?"

"Huh? What?" Seras looked up at Pip. The mercenary was smoking his usual cigarette and looking down from his position in the tree.

"When you got changed into a vampire, ze bite was on your neck, right?"

She slowly traced gloved fingers over her neck. The bite-mark from Master changing her had long since faded. What was he talking about?

"Oh!" For about the third time in her life as a vampire, she was glad that the strongest blush she could have was a light dusting of pink across her cheeks. "Yeah… right, that…"

Pip narrowed his good eye, and the rest of the night, Seras kept her scarf on.

- - - - - -

These are a series of one-shots, all of them A/S, none of them the same story. Each one-shot should be viewed completely separate from all the others, unless stated other wise. If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains.

Any questions, comments, personal experiences? Then review!


	3. Don't You Think This is Getting Old?

Series Title:** There's a Legitimate Explanation for Everything**

One-shot title: **Don't You Think This is Getting Old?**

Rating: PG-13

Characters: Seras, Alucard, Pip

Summary: When life gives you lemons, poke them with a stick.

Background information: Hmmm... that summary made no sense... what does it have to do with the story.

* * *

Despite the fact that almost everything else in his behavior said otherwise, Seras was convinced that Master was… 

… a pervert.

Not it the blatantly obvious, oh-look-my-hand-is-on-your-ass, Pip Bernadotte way, but something similar, a hello-Police-Girl-I-know-what-you're-thinking-and-it-gives-me-ideas way. He continually had that _smirk_ on his face, and it only seemed to grow when she was around. He _had_ to be one, it was the only thing that made sense.

Either that, or he just happened to be phasing through the bathroom while she was getting out of the shower. For the fifth time that month.

* * *

These are a series of one-shots, all of them A/S, none of them the same story. Each one-shot should be viewed completely separate from all the others, unless stated other wise. If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains. 

Any questions, comments, personal experiences? Then review!


	4. Well, We Could Sell Those Tapes

Series Title:** There's a Legitimate Explanation for Everything**

One-shot title:** Well, We Could Sell Those Tapes... **

Rating: PG-13

Characters: Millennium, Schrödinger, Alucard, Seras

Summary: Germany is the third most perverse country in the world. Shocking, isn't it?

Background information: Gah. Ihaveabsolutelynolegitimateexplanationforthis. GAH. (shakes fist at world)

* * *

"Maybe they're breeding them…" 

"Breeding? Who und vat?"

"Hellsing, vampires."

"... They can do that?"

"Vell, why not? They have Alucard und his fledgling. Maybe they are building an undead army, like us."

"Why the hell vould they do that?"

Of course, nobody actually answered this question, so one thing led to another and Millennium sent Schrödinger into Hellsing headquarters with cameras. The cat-boy wandered about until he found the vampires quarters and attached the cameras to dark corners. Then the Warrant Officer left, the only evidence of his visit being several strategically placed recording devices.

Three years later, Millennium still hadn't attacked London, because they were spending all their time watching vampire porn.

Silly Nazis.

* * *

These are a series of one-shots, all of them A/S, none of them the same story. Each one-shot should be viewed completely separate from all the others, unless stated other wise. If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains. 

Any questions, comments, personal experiences? Then review!


	5. Into the Dark We Wander

Title: **And Into the Dark We Wander  
**

Rating: PG

Characters: Seras, Alucard, OC Hellsing heir

Summary: Fear is a human emotion, as is love, loss, and hate. All vampires can do is wait.

Background information: not as funny as the others... ummm

* * *

"Sir." 

Sir Marcus Addison Hellsing turned slowly from the gaping black doorway to see his other vampire standing behind him, a vacant look on her face.

"Victoria."

"Please… before you…" The draculina swallowed, and for a moment, he could see desperation in the depths of her crimson eyes. "Can I…"

Marcus looked at her for an instant then back over his shoulder to the other pair of red eyes glaring at him resentfully from the dark cellar.

"You are not to attempt to release him."

Seras nodded. "I know. Please, Sir…"

Marcus' blue eyes were ice cold. "You have two minutes."

* * *

She was in the room in a flash, kneeling before his tied form. She could feel the embers of his spirit dying. She rested her forehead against his and their connection flared, the strongest it had been in the months of his starvation. 

_So it comes to this, pet._

_Indeed, Master…_

Her hands stroked his face tenderly. He was fading fast and she sensed it. She could feel Marcus Hellsing's eyes were on the back of her head as she traced the contours of his features with gloved fingers. High cheekbones, a chiseled nose, ivory skin, flawless lips.

She captured his mouth in a desperate kiss, trying to coax just a little life back to him. He barely managed to nip her lower lip, allowing a slight trickle of blood to be lapped up by his tongue. It strengthened him, but only enough for one last message.

_Wait for me, Seras Victoria._

Then he was gone. Seras rocked back onto her heels and bit down on a sob as crimson tears ran from her eyes.

_I will always wait for you… _

…_Alucard._

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers! 

If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains.

Any questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


	6. They Were Not Amused

Title: **They Were Not Amused**

Rating: Pg-13 (for implications... of Ukecard)

Characters: Seras, Alucard, another OC Hellsing heir, a random soldier

Summary: Alas, the amusement of immortals is often at the expense of those less... immortal.

Background information: Well! More relatively funny stuff! Kinda. Yepyep. :D wow. This one was long! YES DIZANA. I KNOW. SHATUP.

* * *

Captain Hansen swallowed numbly as Sir Edgar studied him. Even though the soldier was about twenty years older than the knight, Hansen couldn't help but be nervous. The new Sir Hellsing was obviously much more gifted than his uncle, that much was obvious, but in terms of experience… Let's just say, Hansen had reason to doubt his leader's qualifications. Perhaps it was because the knight was barely seventeen and had a penchant for fast cars. 

"Good evening, Captain." Edgar finally greeted. Hansen almost jumped at the voice; he was unexplainably fidgety this evening. There was something different about the manor now and it unnerved him, as did the young knight at its helm.

"Evening, sir. You wanted me for somethin'?"

"Correct. Captain, I'd like you to meet Commander Victoria." Edgar gestured to something behind Hansen, and the soldier turned on the spot to the young woman from earlier sitting in a chair in the corner.

She bowed her head politely and smiled. "Good evening, Captain. Beautiful night, isn't it"

Hansen glanced out the window for a quick second. It was a beautiful nigh out. The moon was full, the sky was clear, and the stars were bright. "Yes it is, miss."

"The Commander here is going to be your superior from now on. You'll be following her orders on assignments, understand?"

"Yes sir, but…"

Edgar raised an eyebrow. "But what, Captain?"

Hansen fidgeted nervously, shifting from one foot to another. "No offence miss, but aren't you a bit young to be hunting vampires?" Victoria laughed sweetly as the older man rubbed the back of his head nervously.

"Sorry to burst your bubble Captain, but I'm old enough to be your grandmother." Hansen lifted his head in shock to see Victoria grinning a pointed grin that was much akin to that of the Cheshire Cat. He stepped back with a strangled gasp and reached for his handgun, but Victoria held her hands up in front of her in a gesture of peace. "Don't worry. I work for Hellsing."

"But you're--!"

"A vampire, I know. Having a thirst for blood isn't something that goes unnoticed." She joked, flippantly waving a hand at him. Hansen holstered his weapon warily, eyes darting to the large handgun strapped to her leg. He opened his mouth to attempt to make a comeback but was interrupted someone who clearly wasn't in the office.

"That would be one thing among many, Police Girl. There are several effects you _didn't_ point out."

Hansen jumped and drew his gun again, this time pointing it at the glowing red eyes in the wall behind Victoria. A deep laugh rang through the air as she rolled her eyes, turned, andstuck_ her hand through the wall._ The limb sank in up to her elbow, and when she removed it, her hand wasn't the only thing to come back. Tightly gripped in her delicate fingers was a long red tie, and attached to the end of said tie was a tall raven-haired man. The man grinned his own vampiric Cheshire Cat grin as he looked down at Victoria and her grip on his clothing.

"Well, you're being rather forceful, Police Girl. I thought this behavior was reserved for my chambers." He leered, bringing his face close to hers. Victoria smirked and gave the tie a slight yank.

"I thought you liked it when I was forceful?" she purred, running her fingers of her free hand up the front of his chest to twine in his hair. "Don't tell me you're complaining… Master."

The man chuckled as the tie was given another yank and his face was brought closer to hers. Hansen fearfully glanced over to Sir Edgar who had an extremely blasé look on his face.

The young knight coughed and the two vampires looked up. "Hate to break up the love fest, but this isn't the time or place for that."

Victoria giggled as the man frowned and grumbled. "Then do we have your leave, Sir Hellsing?" she chirped.

Edgar waved a hand at the two. "Go on, get out of here."

"Yes sir!" she replied, adjusting her grip on the tie. "Come along Master, you heard the orders. We need to leave." She led him across the room by the tie and the two promptly disappeared through a wall. Edgar chuckled as Hansen worked his jaw, flabbergasted.

"They did the exact same thing at my knighting, you know."

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers! 

If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains.

Any questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


	7. Is it Pride or Possesion?

Title: **Is it Pride or Possession?**

Rating: Pg-13 (for mention of gore/violence)

Characters: Seras, Alucard, dead things

Summary: If it's his, it is his. So of course she is his.

Background information: Wheee, something else that's not funny! Yay! (Dodges tomatoes/cats/Walters) Gah! Yep! Funny stuff comes later! For now, you get more vampires! … Huh? You say Hellsing is about vampires? I knew that! I was referring to my story! … The characters in my story are vampires too? Well, DUH. It's Hellsing! Of course there are vampires, silly! Ah, sorry, sorry. Got off track there. Mm'kay. So this one is from Alucard's POV, which I found kinda hard to write, probably 'cause Alucard's a freaking enigma. Seriously, what goes on inside his head? I HAVE NO IDEA and I'm sure none of you want to read my character analysis of the dude, so… ON WITH THE STORY! Actually I want to finish my explanation. This is that one part in the manga just before the whole Anderson goes stabbity on Alucard's hands and Seras' neck, when Seras is just about to drink some blood. There's this panel of Alucard's face, but you can't see his eyes 'cause of those glasses, and it just… just… GAH. There's something in the look he's giving her and… and… OH WHATEVER! JUST READ IT!

* * *

The cannon flashes in her hand, her aim true and deadly.

The ghouls claws at her, and she dispatches them with strength that belies her slight frame.

Her foot smashes a skull, making a halo of blood on the floor and splattering the substance all over her.

She eyes the crimson fluid on her hands with eyes that were once a crystalline blue, now glowing red and clouded with hunger.

She lifts the glove toward her face, tongue delicately reaching out to the red nectar, and in that moment he knows that this beautiful creature is _his_.

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers!

If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains.

Any questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


	8. And You Normally do This Kind of Thing?

Title: **And You Normally do This Kind of Thing?**

Rating: Pg-13 (references to alcohol, and adult themes)

Characters: Seras, Alucard, a Jan-esque Freak

Summary: Shame that they weren't totally wasted. That would have made the situation so much more enjoyable.

Background information: XDDDDDD I have none. Well, sorta. I was sitting in the middle of History and suddenly, "OM NOM NOM." This _thing_ ate my brain. XD. Yes, it was somewhat FMA inspired. I love Greed and his goonies far too much. Loa even makes a cameo, which is because Loa in a tuxedo is the best thing since... AxS. Yeah, that awesome. But he's not in a tux... Oh well, enjoy!

* * *

His lips curled back in a silent snarl as he resisted the urge to draw the Jackal and shoot the speaker above his head. Alucard fingered the gun under his jacket, vaguely calculating the time it would take to draw, shoot, and conceal it without anyone noticing. Even if he did manage to shoot without being seen, someone would notice the wreckage of the speaker, intoxicated or not. 

The baseline thrumming in his ear was far too loud and the flashing lights irritated his eyes. It made sense that trash would willingly amass in the club; it was their nature to gather in places unbecoming of true vampires, and Devil's Nest was one of those places if there ever was one. Its name was fitting, the underground bar filled to the brim with supernatural creatures, mostly Freaks, but he had spotted a few true vampires, and a werewolf.

He sighed and cast about for something to distract himself with, almost immediately regretting it. Trash was trash, in every way imaginable and hardly something worth spending his time watching. His eyes landed on Seras, who was up at the bar, ordering something to drink from a large vampire who was more ox than vampire. Several Freaks at the bar had also taken up watching his draculina, probably due to her current choice of clothing. Her black tube top revealed pale shoulders and a trim waist; the short skirt she wore was only just long enough to conceal the .32 ACP he knew she had hidden on her person, but it displayed her slender legs just fine.

It was hardly what would have been deemed ladylike in his time, and he toyed with the idea of making her wear something more suitable for a vampire of her class, though the attempt would have been for nothing. She was as stubborn as Integral and had immediately shot down the idea when he had mentioned it on the way over. In her words, she would have nothing to do with his "bad fashion sense" and he would have to deal with it.

Seras collected her drink from the ox-vampire-man-thing and left the bar, ignoring but not oblivious to the whistles and catcalls that followed her. One particularly bold Freak detached himself from his group of friends and trotted after her, a lecherous grin on his face. He called after Seras, but she ignored him and continued picking her way across the room. The Freak was nonplussed, but resumed following after her with a grope. Seras jumped at the surprise (though not unexpected) invasion of her personal space and for a second, she looked just about ready to kill something. To Alucard's disappointment though, she just shot him a glare and proceeded onward. Unfortunately, the Freak was not dissuaded by her obvious contempt and disapproval, trailing after Seras with another grin on his face.

The two were drawing closer to Alucard, and he watched with his own distaste as the Freak made another pass at his fledgling, which she thankfully avoided this time. Her eyes flitted from a couple who was flagrantly romancing two booths over to Alucard and he felt relief flicker in her mind before a mischievous grin that she could have only inherited from him slid onto her face.

He raised an eyebrow._ Plotting something, Police Girl?_

_Just play along Master… Please?_

He received a vague idea of her plan and smirked as she slid into the booth, tucking herself against his side and shooting a glare at the Freak. The other vampire made an angry noise as Alucard wrapped an arm around Seras' waist and pulled her closer. Her hand slid under his coat as the Freak pointed accusingly at her.

"You never said anything about another guy!" he hissed.

She rolled her eyes and delicate fingers wrapped themselves around the Jackal's handle. "I never said _anything_ to you, faker."

The Freak bared his teeth and Alucard growled in reply. "Is there something you wanted?" he said with a glare. Seras leaned her head against his shoulder and he brushed the fingers of his free hand across her neck. The action hid her hand with the Jackal behind his own arm and inadvertently prevented her from drawing it further. She paused in confusion, but by that time, the Freak had managed to flee back to the bar.

"Aww…" she whined, putting the Jackal back under his coat. "I really wanted to shoot him. He was a total perv."

Alucard chuckled darkly; she had his enthusiasm for shooting trash too. "I'm sure you would have, but we can't have you blowing our cover, can we?"

"No Master…" She sighed and started to sit up, but his hand on her shoulder held her back. "Master?"

He shifted and nuzzled her neck, electing a small gap from her. "Don't look now," he murmured into her throat, "but we're being watched by that Freak and some of his friends."

"Oh…" she mumbled, involuntarily arching her neck with a purr as his lips moved against her neck. He grinned and drew his fangs over the pale scar from her turning, getting an even louder purr in return. "Master…" she whimpered. "Stop that… it's distracting…"

"You asked me to play along, Police Girl."

"B-but…"

"Shhh… Do you want more Freaks hanging around you?"

"Nngh… N-no…"

"Then let me finish. This is how vampires mark territory, and are you not mine, Seras?"

"… I am?"

"Yes, you are. Now be quiet and leave Master to his work."

"Y-yes sir…" Her pale fingers reached back to entwine themselves in his hair and he chuckled again, amused to find that she had managed to relocate herself into his lap without even knowing it.

"Good girl."

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers! 

If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains.

Any questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


	9. And Who Defines the Masterpiece?

Sorry for the lack of updates, I had midterms, then I got grounded, there were research papers to write, ladidadida, excuses, whatever! I'm Back! Didja miss me?

* * *

**Title:** And Who Defines the Masterpiece?

**Word Count:** 184

**Rating:** M

**Summary:** "Why, the artist, of course. It is their hands that do the creating."

**Authors' Notes:** Yes, implied nekkidness. And other things. Shatup. Unintentionally inspired by a good friend of mine who insisted on putting papier-mâché on my face. Git. Also written in class of all places. I'm such a bad person. I now realize that this is a very ambiguous fic. It fits a lot of pairings. But I wrote it as A/S. Uhhh… Written for Livejournal's Fanfic100 Challenge. I'm teatimeliar, and I have claimed Alucard/Seras!

* * *

She sighs into the pillow, feeling him shift on the mattress beside her before trailing fingers down her neck. His flesh is slightly warmer than normal as he skims the digits over the small of her back, causing her to lethargically twist her upper torso and stare at his face.

A lazy grin crawls its way across his pale visage and she raises an eyebrow. His entire hand is covered in blood, from were she knows not, as he draws intricate patterns and designs on her ivory skin. The crimson liquid glistens in the candlelight, catching the dim light in the twisting red path, left in the wake of flesh brushes.

"Taken up painting, have we?" she whispers dryly as a spiral begins to draw itself upon her thigh. His eyes flit up to her face for a moment before returning to the shapes. Fingers hover over a half-drawn pentagram, and a small smile drifts over her own face as she rolls over and offers an undecorated leg. He solemnly continues "painting" with an amused glimmer in his eye.

"Well, you are my masterpiece."

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers!

If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains.

Any questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


	10. Midnight Games

**itle**: Midnight Games

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** Hide and Seek is more serious than most think.

**Author's Notes:** Written for LJ's fanfic100 Challenge.

* * *

The thunder rolls in the air, rumbling through her body. It's like a monster in the sky, and she smirks as the sleeping monster next to her growls incoherently in reply. His arm, which is wrapped lazily around her waist, tightens possessively, as if challenging the thunder to just _try_ to take her from him. He does not relax immediately, yet when he does, she slips out of his grasp, pausing to scribble something on a piece of paper. She grins impishly, and then quickly darts off into the depths of the castle, thunder still rumbling through the evening air.

* * *

He knows something is amiss the moment his eyes open. Waking up alone is not something he has had to do since being freed all those years ago. It's barely two minutes after sunset, and he can smell the burnt air from lightening that strikes up here in the mountains of his homeland. A scrap of paper catches his eye, as does her hasty scrawl upon it.

_Catch me before the storm is out._

He chuckles at the game and opens the curtain to see a bolt of plasma fork across the sky.

"The night is still young, my dear."

* * *

She flits about her castle, like a ghost in a pale white dress, making mischief where she can. Windows are opened, curtains whip in the wind of the storm, books upturned and left open for the pages to flutter how they will, a half-finished glass of blood sits innocently on the staircase. Her dress is abandoned on a chair in the dining hall, just to tease him with catching her naked, then she sprints back to their rooms, dons a new one, and climbs out the window, on to the roof. Her laughter is merry, fading into the raging tempest.

* * *

The white fabric of her dress is clutched loosely in his hand as he stands in the door to her garden (She had wanted one, and he had given it). The rain has made her new nightgown cling to her body and he grins at the sight of her lithe for moving as she dances about. She knows he's watching, else, she wouldn't have tarried so long. Ruby eyes meet his own and she purrs, a sound barely heard above the pattering drops. She comes to stand in front of him, smirking tauntingly and trailing cool fingers down his face.

His grip on her wrist is icy as he sneers, bringing shark-like teeth close to her neck.

"I win."

She has barely a moment's warning before fangs pierce the air where her neck had been.

"Not quite yet." she chirps from her perch in one of the windows, "Try harder."

He growls, impatient with her shenanigans, and when she moves to reenter the castle, he is there to stop her. His own admonishment is a whisper, voice thick with something unnamable as he pins her to the wall.

"More like a lack of effort on your part, my little pet..."

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers!If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains.Any questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


	11. The Fellow of Infinite Jest

**Title:** The Fellow of Infinite Jest

**Fandom:** Hellsing Characters: Alucard and Seras Victoria

**Prompt:** 096. Writer's Choice (Stage)

**Word Count:** 270

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** "To die, to sleep; To sleep, perchance to dream." And dreams are reality to the dreamers.

**Author's Notes:** Okay, let's get this straight. This might be over the heads of some less well-read people. It's Hamlet, as in the Shakespeare Hamlet. I have Hamlet's "Alas, poor Yorick!" speech halfway memorized, which I will spontaneously recite to things that fit in the palm of my hand. This includes the rats in the Biology Lab. :D Written for LJ's fanfic100 Challenge

* * *

Alucard's ebony hair fell around Seras' fingers as she held him at arm's length and dramatically rested her free hand against her forehead. Considering she was coated from head to toe in blood, dirt, a manner of other disgusting things, and her sire was little more than a disembodied head, she managed to maintain an air of dignity.

The Draculina sharply drew a breath and began to speak.

"Alas, poor Yorick! I knew him, Horatio: a fellow of infinite jest, of most excellent fancy: he hath borne me on his back a thousand times; and now, how abhorred in my imagination it is!" The decapitated vampire in her hand had begun to melt into blood, which fell to the floor in heavy drops as she spoke. "My gorge rims at it. Here hung those lips that I have kissed I know not how oft. Where be your gibes now? Your --?"

Seras fell silent once she was no longer able to continue holding the once-head in her hand. She frowned at the puddles on the floor as they began to meld together in some sort of freakish cohesion, hands on her hips. When Alucard finally solidified in a whirl of bats and shadows in front of her, Seras gave him a disapproving glare which he met with his own psychotic smirk.

"You know Hamlet?" he taunted, obviously amused by her frustration.

"What do you _think_?" she shot back, trying to step around the taller vampire but failing miserably.

Alucard leaned down to grip the back of her neck firmly and grinned. "Yes, but you said something about kissing me?"

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers!If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains.Any questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


	12. Martingale

**Title: ** Martingale

**Fandom:** Hellsing

**Characters:** Alucard and Seras Victoria, OC Hellsing Heir

**Prompt:** 71. Broken

**Word count:** 358

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** Same as horses, vampires must be tamed before anything else.

**Author's Notes:** Seras' sealing, which is just as dignified as Alucard's, meaning not dignified at all. Gosh, Marcus, don't you love hating him?

* * *

The silver shackles burn her flesh and she struggles weakly, the metal of the hunting knife carving into her palms. This is a new version of being naked in the dark, one filled with pain and confinement and loss, the usual comforting shade chased back and the presence in the back of her mind gone.

For a moment, the scene around her shifts and spins, the harsh electric light replaced by a multitude of candles. The narrow face and blonde locks around Marcus Hellsing's cold blue eyes is traded with another, a sturdy jaw and receding red hair. A baritone voice resonates through the air and she cringes, her sensitive ears already ringing with hunger and pain.

"You have been sealed, Dracula."

She struggles to comprehend the words before everything spins again and this time Marcus' tenor echoes in her perfect ears.

"You have been sealed, Draculina."

For a moment, she is confused at the repeated words but a wave of fresh pain knocks all sense from her. She cries out as the knife buries itself in her neck, the same place as Andersons' bayonet all those years ago. Blood leaks out from between her lips and she says His name repeatedly to herself in a bloody whisper. Her voice dies as the knife is yanked from her throat, but the mantra continues in her head and she focuses on that as another wave of pain comes crashing into her.

Her soldier is hurting too, yet he softly croons a lullaby in his native language, the syllables running together smoothly, overlapping her mantra. She hears His velvety murmurs as she is flipped onto her back and something new cuts into the layer of flesh between her spine and the air above.

A scream is ripped from her throat as white-hot silver is inserted into undead flesh and her soldier's lullaby falters before fading altogether. Next to go is her chanting, till only His voice remains. That too, fades and she is left alone in the pain and bright light. Darkness gathers on the edge of her vision, and she welcomes it gladly, reaching for the reassuring shadows.

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers!If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains. Questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


	13. Search and Destroy

**Title:** Search and Destroy

**Fandom:** Hellsing

**Characters:** Alucard and Seras Victoria

**Prompt:** 22. Enemies

**Word Count:** 127

**Rating:** PG-13

**Summary:** In the name of God, impure souls of the living dead shall be banished into eternal damnation. Amen.

**Author's Notes:** Aah, not much here. For LJ's fanfic100.

* * *

The force of her kick sends his body slamming into the wall, reinforced steel buckling like tin. Broken ribs and punctured lugs have no time to heal before Seras attacks again, claws ripping his flesh to tatters. How ironic, to be hunting the fledgling he set free.

"You can't kill me, Alucard." she observes, pausing to catch his chin and force his gaze toward her, "I know you too well to allow that to happen."

"Kill you?" he mutters, twisting his head away, only to have it pulled back, nails digging deeper into his skin. "I have no need to kill you, Seras Victoria. Once is enough for that. My orders…"

She knows the order well enough to finish it for him.

"… Are search and destroy."

* * *

**A/N:**Thanks to all my reviewers! If you have any plotbunnies, feel free to throw the little beasties at me, whereupon they will eat my brains. Questions, comments, or personal experiences? Then review!


End file.
